It's been a whirlwind of activities: pot lucks, interviews, feeding the homeless...podcast editing (yuck!) and meeting fun and interesting people who are making huge strides to help the environment. I've been attending as many events as possible, and there are many to choose from! Not everything is connected to the podcast, of course...I've also been going on long bike rides, attending yoga classes, and soaking at the hot springs! 

Last night I attended an event and learned about the Pachamama Alliance, a global community that offers people the chance to learn, connect, engage, travel and cherish life for the purpose of creating a sustainable future that works for all.
I also learned about a local group called Southern Oregon Climate Action Now (SOCAN) who offers a ten week Master Climate Protector course, which teaches current information on the status of our climate and current trends and projections that result from the climate pollution we are releasing into our atmosphere.

​Every day I learn more and more about people, community groups, and organizations that are working towards a better future for humanity and the earth. 

More to come!

The experience I had yesterday will be difficult to describe, but I'll try...I attended a High Priestess Convergence ceremony at the Goddess Temple here at the Jackson Wellsprings. I had no idea what to expect...but it was amazing!

First, we were greeted by Graell. We were about to embark on a journey...experiencing Death, Sacred Sexuality, and Birth...the three most significant events in our lives. I was intrigued! I wish I had photos to share, but technology was forbidden...
We walked along the path, towards the Goddess Temple, and entered the first station...

DEATH
​Insence tickled my nose...and I felt somber immediately...we all sat on pillows, and gazed upon our guide who sat cross-legged, wearing black, in the front of the tent. Two priestesses, dressed in shrouds, were seated behind a black, sheer curtain. 
After a short meditation, we were instructed to write, on a small paper, what part of our lives we were ready to part with...what no longer served us? Next, we took turns approaching the priestesses behind the curtain...we embraced, and let go of whatever we needed to let go of. After handing her the paper, we exited the tent, and contemplated how the death of this thing would affect our lives. ​
What did I write on the paper? I would like to discard "living my life based on what's expected of me" 
Instead, I want to live my life based on what is true FOR ME and what feeds MY HEART...without worrying about what I"m "supposed to do" or what people might think. 
Some of you might be surprised to hear this...I am, after all, spending a month up in Oregon, alone! Isn't that a pretty good example of living my life by my own rules? YES! and that's what was so profound about this experience...its like I'm living my life according to ME already! 
It gets better...

SACRED SEXUALITY
The next station was my favorite. We entered the yurt. On the floor were mats for us to lie on, positioned like the pedals of a flower. In the center, were various items...feathers, a bowl of peaches, stones, flowers...we were instructed to lie on the mats, head towards the center, face up. Oh, did I mention we were to put on a blindfold? 
I think you can imagine what happened next...we were treated to 20 minutes of pure sensory pleasure. Feathers ticked my arms...my mouth was treated to a sweet peach...smooth stones placed in the palms of my hands...gentle fingers caressed my face. All the while, I heard bells, and chimes and drumming...all my senses were activated! I was smiling the entire time! I didn't want it to end. 

BIRTH
The last station was outside in the gardens. Two rows of 10 priestesses were lined up, facing each other, to create the womb that we would each be birthed from. Our guides chanted and undulated...as I approached, I was filled with anticipation...I began my rebirth...I was caressed, soothed, hugged, massaged...slowly I moved through the womb, through the birth canal and out into the world...it was a beautiful experience I will never forget. 

After a somewhat restless night (it was cold, and my sleeping pad sprung a leak!) I took a walk around the grounds and found some very cool stuff around here! 
The best thing was a few wooden swings hanging from a weeping willow tree. I can't remember the last time I was on a swing! Wheee!!

They have an incredible garden here...and further down the path, I came across a few more interesting things. Pictures speak louder then words sometimes...

Then I walked out towards the road, and met two women selling soap made from goats milk! You;; hear more from them later, I'm going to visit their farm this week and interview them for the podcast, as well as two other women selling semi-organic flowers. This dream is starting to come true. 

After my walk, I came back to the Wellsprings and had the most enjoyable experience! I ventured into the steam room. A few more people came in, and someone started chanting. Then another person...then everyone followed along! We were all chanting together in this tiny space, in the steam we could barely see each other...but we made beautiful music! WOW! Then I spent two hours in the mineral baths...the sun came out...

Now I'm sitting in the tea room enjoying a cheese and pastrami burrito and home made apricot bar...and I met this guy. 
I'm looking forward to an evening of more music and chanting and dancing! More to come. 

Shakespeare Festival
In case you didn't know this, Ashland hosts the Shakespeare festival...and unbeknownst to me, it's happening while I'm here! Good news is, I like theater so I'm excited to be able to go see some plays. The bad news is, it will be more crowded around here for the next couple of weeks! 
I already met a couple of people who gave me the scoop on things to do in town, there's an art center, food co-op, yoga classes...and a few other places they recommended I visit. 
Well, I'm off to check out the entertainment for tonight...local singer supposed to be good...
​More to come!

Going with the Flow
So, Costa Rica fell through. Basically, the other 3 artists that were supposed to be there at the same time as me, had to reschedule, and I didn't want to be there by myself. Part of the fun was collaborating! Good news is I got a total refund on my plane tx. 
So, I regrouped and decided to head north to Ashland, OR instead, and create my own Artist Retreat!

The NEW PLAN
The new plan is to drive up to Ashland this week, camp out for a few nights at Jackson Welsprings, then stay at the Ashland Hostel for a couple of weeks, and then camp at Emmigrant Lake for a weekend.
I was supposed to leave today! But, I inured my eye the other night as I was testing out my new tent in the living room, and when I was taking it down, the pole snapped up and hit me in the eye! Wow did that hurt and it was so scary! Bruce took me to the ER and they said it was ok but I should see a specialist if symptoms didn't subside. 
I spent yesterday in bed with eyes closed, and have an appointment today to see the eye doc. It feels ok but I can tell something's not right. Hoping they tell me it will just take some time, and I'll be on the road tomorrow!

PREPARATION
Since I decided to drive up to OR and camp for a few nights, I've had to bring a lot more stuff. Food, tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, cooking supplies...yes, I could get by on much less as if I were backpacking, but since I'll have the car I'm not gunna sweat it. I'm also bringing my bike...another thing to prepare. So, I've been making hard boiled eggs, soup, and smoothies, and banana bread...and freezing everything to  make it easier when I"m there. I'm also not sure about the weather, it looks like warm days and cool nights...so, I'll bring layers. Need swim wear for the hot springs...and pool if there is one. 

WHY am I doing this?
As I mentioned in my last post, I want time to focus on starting my podcast. Too many distractions at home. And, I also need time to just follow my nose without having to consult someone else about things, like where/when should we stop and eat? What do you want to do today? i need to follow my own inner compass for a bit, remember what it was like to depend on myself, make my own decisions...get my center back. Being a mom and a wife has been great...and now that the kids are out of the house, I need to remember who I was before all that. Having a family has brought me more joy then i could have imagined...but, now it's time for ME. bruce has been so supportive in all of this...and although he might not like the idea, maybe it will be good for him too. 

My plan is to write about my travels...the people I meet, the things I do (or don't do) and it will be fun to document the process of following my own heart. 
​More to come! -Lori

I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids. I admit that...its a huge responsibility and i wasn't sure i was up for it. n the end, I cold not imagine life without knowing what it was like to be pregnant, have a baby, and raise them. I can say that now that the kids are both in college, it was quite a positive experience for me, and I would not change a thing. It was not all easy! Especially the early days. My youngest gave me a run for my money. He was too smart for his own good, and I wasn't prepared to handle this. My oldest, J, also very smart but he was more of the quiet type. K, on the other hand, was stubborn, strong-willed, and had a temper! He had the craziest episodes where he would kick and scream and I thought he had something wrong with his brain. 
On time, he was going to crazy that I had to lock him in his room. He was about 3, and was wearing his favorite cowboy boots. He proceeded to kick the back of the door...and left black marks everywhere. When he calmed down, I handed him a sponge and told him to clean it up, which he did, and with a smile. A few days later, he had another "FIT". This time, he went into his room by himself, He closed the door, and started kicking it again! After a minute or so, he stopped...came out of his room, and asked me for a sponge. That was K.

J, on the other hand, was much more of an introvert. When he was around 12, he got hurt playing football with the neighborhood kids. He curled up in a ball and laid on the ground. He refused to talk. The kids came and got me, and even i was unable to get a word out of him. He just clammed up. I could tell he had hurt his shoulder, but I didn't know how badly, so someone called an ambulance and off we went to the hospital. Turns out, it was nothing but a sprain...and eventually he started talking again. 

A few years later, he was playing basketball and got elbowed in the nose. He kept playing...and when he finished the game, his nose was crooked! We got that taken care of, with a minor surgery, but we cold see that he had grown up some, since the last injury! 

There are many many stories like these, which I will add to later or maybe just write them to the kids. For purposes of this blog, I just wanted to share a couple of things. 
My main reason for even bringing this topic up is to share some wisdom about raising children. Here's my top 5 tips.
1. Help them become independent at a young age
Once we realized J could hold the bottle by himself, we let him. He reached for it...and held it in his hands. 
When K was 3, he could open the refrigerator by himself. So, we'd put a sip cup filled with milk on the bottom shelf so when he woke up in the morning, he grabbed his cup, then came to our bed to cuddle. I taught both kids how to do laundry as soon as they were tall enough to reach the buttons. I can't say that they folded the laundry after washing it, but they did have a "clean" and "dirty" basket! They also started making their own lunches around 4th grade. Now that they're in college, they are both independent...which was my goal. But, I sometimes wonder if I went too far. Maybe i should have done more for them when they were at home...who knows. 
2. Interview each child on their birthday. Ask them their age, best friend, favorite foods, toys, and activities. Take photos of their room, favorite outfit, favorite book. If they're too young to speak, speak for them.
3. If you can afford it, send your kids to Montessori school, at least until they are 5. Both my kids went and they thrived!
4. Dissect snakes and goldfish and anything else your kids bring home!
When K was 8 or 9, he rushed through the door after school, grabbed my hand, and dragged me up the street, where there was a freshly-killed snake! "Mom, can we bring it home and dissect it?" I did not hesitate for a moment! We went back home for some rubber gloves, newspaper, and a bag. We gathered the snake and after printing a digram of the insides of a snake, found the exacto knife, and opened him up. It was a day I'll never forget. 
5. Expose them to nature
We went on many hikes, camping trips, and outdoor excursions when the kids were little. K loved all of it! He was connected to nature from an early age. J wasn't as keen on it once he was around 10...he preferred to stay inside and work on his computer. Now, he's a software engineer at one of the biggest tech companies in the world, so I guess it's good that we let him follow his path. K ended up being a long-distance runner and a Boy Scout, two activities that allow him a lot of time in the outdoors. 

Kids are really a crap shoot. I trusted my kids to do the right thing, gave them a lot of leeway especially when they were teenagers, b/c I felt they had good judgement. So far so good..

I just finished reading Bruce Springsteen's autobiography and then saw him speak about it in SF last week, with BFF Patty. It was good...he was funny and open about his story. My seat was far away, so it was hard to see his facial expressions...but, oh well. I know what he looks like! 
After reading the book, I have become more motivated to write. I've hd a lot of stuff brewing in my head and it about time I sit down and write about it. I thought I'd make a list of the things I want to write about so I can refer back to it. 

• Springsteen stories (art reflecting songs)
• Parenting
• Diving
• Eco habits
• Work stories
• Kids
• Family
• My life
• Poetry (find it and share)
• My life as an artist
• Acting/film/TV
• Spirituality journey
• My favorite films
• Food! 
• There's more. I'll add later. 

I've been keeping journals ever since I can remember. Writing helps me sort through my thoughts, and when something is upsetting me, writing helps me get the swarm of thoughts out of my head and out into the universe (or, on a piece of paper at least) I always feel more clear-headed afterwards. So, I thought, why not give this a try and write every morning about my life as an artists and see what happens. WIll I even be able to maintain this commitment I make to myself? I could post on FB, most people would see it, but somehow I feel "safer" writing here. And, I can write as much as I want! 

My hope is that writing like this will help with a few things.
1. Writing will help me focus my day. I plan to document my to do list, which is something I do every morning anyway.
2. Practice my writing skills. I have always loved to write, but lately haven't' been doing much of it. 
3. Practice a ritual of doing something productive every morning. I'm not good at sticking with things for very long. It's not necessarily a bad thing, because if I am not enjoying an activity, I have no qualms about moving on to something more enjoyable. I don't "stick with it" just for the sake of it. But, the other side of that is sometimes I do in fact quit too soon, I bail when the going gets rough, and I  miss out on the satisfaction of learning to something very well. I'm more of a skimmer…I learn just enough to get it done, then move on to something new.

This has caused me great angst. I feel like I have experienced a lot by being this way, but I am not really very good at anything. My friends admire this trait in me. It has its ups and downs.

OK, I realize I am rambling and I think I need to figure out a format for these posts, or else it might end up being a random brain dump. (hmm…maybe that's not such a bad idea either!)

I'll have to think about that.

For today…what's on my mind? Theatre. Ever since high school, I have wanted to do acting. But I was petrified to be on stage, and auditioning scared the crap out of me, so I sat in the theatre watching everyone else audition, wishing i had the nerve. I ended up in the chorus for a few plays, and then in college I worked on the sets, props, make-up..everything except being on stage. I did one community theatre play many years ago, but I did not have a speaking role. Then, I had kids, and evening rehearsals were out of the question. 
Fast forward to now. I got dumped by PG&E after a 4- month contracting gig (budget cuts), and it seems I have some time on  my hands. (actually, I don't, but more on that later.) So, I thought I would sign up for an acting class just for fun. Ended up auditioning for the college spring production. Did not get cast, until I did! (someone declined a role, so I was next up) I have a small part in a play called "You Can't Take it With You." I am thrilled!

Here's the problem: Now, I am finding out about all these other plays and want to keep auditioning…partially for practice, but then is that fair to the director? If in fact they want me to be in the play, I'm not really available. IS that my ego talking? It's like going on job interviews when you have no intention of taking the job. So…I am pondering this. I might approach the director of the show I wanted to audition for and see if he minded…why not?
And in my fantasy mind…here's how that plays out…I audition, he loves me and wants to cast me in a featured role. Then, I would probably need to bow out of the first play, which might blackball me from future productions? How does this work? Again, this is my ego talking! I haven't EVER been in a play with a speaking role, what makes me think this could even happen?

So, I think I will just email the director and let him know what's up and see what he says. I will have to wait until summer or fall to do another play, if I even still want to…maybe I have no idea about the time commitment…

-----
I am going to list the other things on my plate, just for fun, and to give you an idea about how my mind works sometimes. 
Here's the projects/activities I am involved with right now:

• My studio (schedule, promote and teach workshops, maintain studio, track finances, sell art at farmers market and valentines day boutique)
  
• Writing monthly Art Column for My Out and About magazine
  
• Spring production at West Valley
  
• Acting class (2x per week)
  
• VolunteerSpot job (creating training videos and website testing)
  

And here's what's on my TO DO list, project-wise:

• Illustrate children's books
  
• Write the book called Meditate and Create
  
• Sell prints of my artwork online
  
• Become a Soul Collage facilitator
  
• Start and complete the online "Voice Over" class I found
  
• Redesign my website
  
• Update my "Lori as an actress and voice over artist" website
  

Personal Projects

• Learn about gardening and composting
  
• Plant my vegetable garden
  
• Work with my son on his online driving instructional videos
  
• Scout outings (sign up and go!)
  
• House renovation
  
• Exercise
  
• Clean off old files and organize photos on computer

There's more, I think…but these are the big ones. I wonder, when I look back on this at the end of the year, where I will be with all this? Which projects will get done, which will disappear?

-----
Money
I have always had an issue with money. My latest thought is, "success isn't always measured by how much money you make." Most of my life, I have believed that that was the case. I mean, our society is built around that very belief, so it's no surprise that I think that way. We need money to live, no argument there. But, at what cost, and how much do we really NEED? I do not make any money doing what I do. I come close to breaking even sometimes, and this has bothered me for along time. I am going to try and push that thought aside…just do things that feed my soul…just for one year…and see what happens. More on this later, I can assure you!

Well that's my brain dump for today. 
I'll be heading out to the drum circle taking place in my studio today, and then teach the Meditate and Create workshop, and then going to dinner at a friend's house.