It’s very hot here today in Thailand, and since my scrapes and bruises are still healing, snorkeling or going to the pool is not an option. I need to let my wounds dry out and heal. So, I decided to lay low and do some introspection.
One of the reasons I came to Thailand was to take a deep dive into how to shift my career from corporate trainer into something more meaningful.
That’s why I’ve been studying hypnotherapy. I see it as a powerful tool that can help people move through deep-seated traumas, get better sleep, reduce stress, and much more. But, the idea of being my own boss has brought up a lot of fears.
I struggle with being self-motivated. My corporate career has been mostly “reactive”; I’ve always worked for someone else who sets the goals and I simply implement. There’s always been someone “telling me what to do” or at least providing the overall direction. Being my own boss brings up fear of failure and feelings of inadequacy, so every time I come close to diving in, I get scared and go back to what’s familiar.
Here's proof that I am a failure!
I had a taste of being my own boss when I had my art studio, but it was never financially successful. I have proven to myself that I am unable to be a successful entrepreneur! See, I told you...I’m a big fat failure at being a business owner.
So, I keep going back to my comfort zone. Sometimes, going back to the corporate world is a blast, like when I worked at Google for two years. Other times, it’s not so much fun, like my last assignment, where I sat in front of a computer for 6 hours a day. No thanks!
Now, I am more motivated than ever to move past my fears, and have another go at being my own boss. But this time, unlike the art studio, I have a community of other practitioners who are super motivated and determined to make this work.
In the spirit of being held accountable for my actions, I’m going to share my intention for how this might look:
By the end of 2020, I will be part of a holistic healing center with other practitioners offering hypnotherapy, Reike, sound healing, past-life regression, Yoga Nidra, sensuality/ tantra sessions, and more.
UPDATE: June, 2020
The world has changed, and so have I. I decided NOT to focus on hypnotherapy after all. I landed a SWEET project with Esalen Institute, am taking a deep dive into silk painting, and plan to travel to scuba diving destinations, as soon as Covid restrictions are lifted. I'm in the FLOW!
I need to be patient with myself!
I spent four years as an undergrad in business school, and 2 more years to get my masters in Organization Development...that education provided a solid foundation for a successful career as a corporate trainer..so now, as I move towards something new, I need to keep reminding myself that it’s going to take time to build these new skills, like it did with my last career. The important thing is I am doing something that I feel passionate about.
So, I’m going to stop beating myself up for feeling a little unsettled (and terrified) as I move through this transformation in my life.
I came across some info on commitment and determination, to help me stay focused.
What are you committed to in your life?